My Turn

It’s interesting the little things you remember from childhood. When I was Katherine’s age my mom went to a bible study every now and then at a neighbor’s house. I still had one more year to go before kindergarten so I played with the other little kids in the playroom in the basement. There was a woman who I guess volunteered to watch the little kids, or maybe they took turns, I don’t remember. What I do remember is that one morning in particular I really, really, wanted to go upstairs and see my mom. The lady wouldn’t let me. At some point she was distracted with another kid or something and I took that as my opportunity to split and made for the door. I got halfway up the stairs before she came out of the room and told me to come back down. I burst into tears, which of course prompted the adults upstairs to see what was up. I don’t know exactly what happened next but I know there were words exchanged between my mom and this lady. I remember being in the car as my mom pulled it out of the driveway and her telling me that it was not right for that lady to do that. The next time I was there I brought my own toys and played quietly in the living room while the ladies had their bible study at the kitchen table. I know I am leaving out a lot of details from the cobwebs of my four year old brain but the point is that my mom knew I wasn’t being treated well by someone else and she stood up for me.

Now it’s my turn.

I bring up this story because I’ve been thinking about it this week after Katherine’s dentist appointment. We all know of Katherine’s doctor phobia, which while very frustrating, is something that Ted and I are trying to patiently deal with. And while she has made strides at the pediatrician’s office, I wasn’t stupid; I knew this dentist visit wasn’t going to be completely smooth. I warned the hygienist the minute she came out the door to get Katherine that she was generally doctor phobic.

What I wasn’t prepared for was that the hygienist would have little patience for this and instead of viewing my child as being genuinely terrified viewed it more as a just plain misbehavior. While she said I was welcome to stay with Katherine, I felt uncomfortable in the room and she made no move to make me feel welcome by telling me where exactly to put myself. Instead I hovered at the doorway. Katherine climbed right up into the chair but you could tell her anxiety level was slowly rising. The hygienist was ready to just get right to it, grabbed an instrument in each hand, turned the light on and went for it. Within 10 seconds she turned to me and said “She may need to go to a pediatric dentist.” Mind you, this is a practice with the words “Family Dentistry” on their front sign. Katherine sat there crying in the chair with her blankie over her mouth. No way was she getting that blankie away from her face (my mistake, yes, for bringing blankie). At one point she tried to take the blankie and put it in Katherine’s lap which one served to upset her even more. At this point she gave up, turned to me repeat that Katherine probably needs to go to a pediatric dentist that she was going to go and see if Dr. Creech wanted to see her but that she wasn’t going to try to do anything (I want to say she said something like “put up with this” but I think I’m imagining it). She left and came back and said Dr. Creech would be in shortly. She sat down, made some notes and started to ask Katherine (who was sitting in chair clutching blankie and whimpering) some questions. Completely pointless as far as I was concerned, the kid was upset.

“Do you brush your teeth in the morning?”
“Do you brush your teeth before you go to bed?”
“Are you deaf? Can you hear me?”

Oh yes, she did. I don’t know why but it didn’t click with me to start asking the lady a few questions of my own. At some point she mentioned how long she should brush her teeth and asked if she had a tooth brush timer. When Katherine shook her head, she gave one to her. I asked about the phobia and started to explain Katherine’s limited experience with the dentist which included getting a tooth pulled but then stopped. This lady didn’t care. Her response? “There are kids younger than her that come here and behave better than this”. At some point I mentioned that I wasn’t sure if I was helping or hindering by being there, she didn’t respond. At that point Dr. Creech came and as I explained before he just seemed to set everything straight. Katherine left smiling and giving him high fives.

I didn’t leave smiling, I knew something was wrong. Looking back at that appointment in my mind, I want to scream “Snap out of it stupid and DO SOMETHING!” I didn’t at the moment but the more I thought about it, I knew I wasn’t doing right by my child. And while she doesn’t to be affected one bit by what that hygienist said or did it sat with me all week. I knew one thing; she wasn’t seeing that woman again. Thought about taking her to a different practice in town. Thought about taking her to my dentist in Raleigh who I love (logistics there would be difficult). I also thought of the positive experience she had with Dr. Creech. So I stewed on it.

This morning I made a call to office and talked with the office manager. I first inquired about whether they had another hygienist, to which she reply no they just had the one but that Dr. Creech does cleanings as well. I briefly explained our visit, not getting too nitpicky, just going over the overall experience and mentioned the “Are you deaf?” conversation. Her immediate response “That’s not right, that’s not right at all.” Said the situation would be addressed immediately and very discreetly. I mentioned Katherine’s phobia and that I was not trying to make excuses for it. She said that a lot of kids are afraid and that what happened wasn’t acceptable. Apologized and changed Katherine’s appointment so that she would just be seeing Dr. Creech from now on.

We’ll give them another chance. In the meantime I have a dentist appointment coming up and I’m thinking asking my hygienist if it’s ok to take her along with me. Let her watch me get my teeth cleaned and ask as many questions as she wants. Logistically I don’t think it would work out to take her to my dentist on a regular basis because it would require trucking her back and forth from Zebulon to Raleigh and back to Raleigh for work but for this one day I could make it happen. Plus like I said, she thought Dr. Creech was a pretty cool guy, let’s build on that.

Oh, the relief I felt when I hung up the phone. I stood up for my child and did what was right. You better believe I’m going to sleep easier tonight.